I am in the sunroom of the house I grew up in on Paddington Street and am excited to see that a long snake has entered the house. It slithers across the vinyl floor, over a meter and a half long, its skin an unusual pattern of green and brown splotches. I adore snakes and am thrilled to have one in my home, yet it might be dangerous. So I climb up onto the round breakfast table not particularly scared but wary.
On waking I instantly recognise the snake's skin, it is the same print that covers two chairs I'm very fond of that belonged to my father! I almost laugh out loud, my subconscious has wonderfully given me a gentle warning which I acknowledge and give thanks for.
My father, who is now old and frail has stayed with us twice now and I genuinely enjoy having him. He seems so lost and lonely without my mother and so we are thinking up plans to allow him to move in with us. My heart has finally matured (hardened?) enough that I will not be upset when he turns down our idea and curiously, during his visits I haven't even seemed to get upset when he's snapped and called my children spoilt - or at least that's what I thought!
Tonight I went to a meditation group. It has been a very hot week and I have been suffering in the heat, unable to get housework done, feeling zapped of energy. I have been cranky and irritable and tired and sadly, not nice company for my children. I didn't even feel like going to the first session and wondered why I was bothering. I was restless in the meditation itself, my back was sore, my legs kept falling asleep and a pesky fly kept landing on me, yet I persisted. I acknowledged the mind's chattering and followed the facilitator when she asked us to send our breath to the neck, the shoulders, the arms, the heart, and then amazingly I could breathe again! For the first time in days I realised I could breathe properly, my diaphragm released and I gulped down huge lungfuls of air.
I still had trouble staying focused but I persisted with it and at one point finally got a little distance from myself. Enough to realise the anger I have been carrying around with me for days stemmed from me trying to be a stricter mother, trying desperately to stamp out my children's 'spoilt behaviour'. The irony is that with all my berating and cursing and disciplining my children haven't changed a bit, only I have, into a cranky old witch of a mother!
I picked up a beautiful angel card this evening too, which read:
"You are protected from all types of harm. The worst is now behind you. I ask you to relax and feel safe."
Last year was a very difficult year for me and it was a great relief to read this and to fully enjoy the feeling of safety without worrying it of its impermanence.
The picture on the card was very powerful too and showed a beautiful woman with angel wings wearing a large oval pendant necklace which radiates above her heart, exactly the place which released during the meditation. What a special evening, it is so nice to 'take a breather', release all fear and expectations, and reconnect with our higher selves, if only for a fleeting moment.